Under the label ”About me” in the bar to your left I have written that I'm currently trying to reinvent myself and live a better, healthier life. I thought that I would dedicate this post to give you the reasons why, to tell my story.
I have always been one of those people who could eat anything and everything they wanted without gaining weight. Awesome! you think now, right? Good for you! or How unfair! The truth is, it hasn’t done me any good. I have a really great metabolism, and even though I’m grateful for that, it has caused me a lot of problems in the past. I have always been skinny, and since I entered my teens I’ve been considered “unhealthily skinny” by teachers, school nurses and doctors. For a few years my weight, or lack thereof, was a problem that followed me around everywhere I went. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to participate in the P.E lessons or any other physical activities because my body couldn’t handle it. When people start looking at you like you’re dying, it kind of freaks you out!
I have always had a small body. I’ve only grown about 2 centimeters since I was 12,(I’m 164 cm now / 5’4) and my body has in most ways stayed the same since then. When I was 16 I could still use the same jeans that I bought when I was 12, and I think that if I hadn’t thrown them away by now I still could fit in most of them. And since I always have been very small and lean, my weight wasn’t really something that I obsessed about. I looked at how my body was looking, not the number on the scale. So when person after person started telling me I was so unhealthily skinny that all I should do is sit still and eat, I didn’t know what to think.
I was used to my body looking and being like this, it had always been like this, for as long as I could remember. And now teachers, school nurses, doctors and counselors all told me I desperately needed to gain weight. At this time, I was averaging around 45-46 kg (99-101 lb), so it wasn’t really that bad in my eyes.
So I tried everything I could to gain the weight they told me I so desperately needed. I tried everything, building muscles, eating more, eating more unhealthy food, but nothing helped. When I was 17 my school nurse told me that I was the only one she knew that had ever lost weight over Christmas.
It was really hard for me not to be able to gain a few extra pounds. Having someone looking at you like my school nurse looked at me, constantly weighing me and talking to me in a soft, gentle voice like as either was a small child or very, very sick, messed with my mind. To me, my body felt fine. I didn’t experience any problems with it but off course I was worried about what I heard and how I was treated. But there was nothing I could do, I could not gain weight how much I ate or whatever method I tried.
It wasn’t until very recently, in the past year and a half, that I actually have been able to gain some weight. I don’t own a scale, but when we were visiting family one time I used the one they had in their bathroom. At this point I hadn’t used one in about 3 years, and guess if I was surprised to see the number 48 staring back at me! For most of you, this won’t seem like a big deal, but it really was for me. It was like once I had left all of those voices behind that was telling me that I was unhealthy and that I had to gain weight, my body could finally relax enough to actually do so. Today I go back and forth between 48-50 kg (105-110 lb), which seems to be my new standard weight. Some people may say that this is still not enough, but for me it’s as “heavy” as I have ever been. Something to remember is that weight is a struggle for most people during some part of their life, and not only for those who wants to lose some!
I still follow the philosophy that I had when I was younger; look at how your body looks, and not what the scale sais! I think this is important, weather you feel you weigh too much or too little. The fact is that muscles weigh more than fat, so sometimes the number on the scale can be very misleading.
Well, this was a bit about my past, now let’s talk about the now, and about the future. Even though I theoretically could eat whatever I wanted without it affecting the appearance of my body, that doesn’t mean that it won’t affect the inside of it. I have several times through my 22 year long life started to exercise. I have never liked sports, so I have done other things, like running for example. But it has always come to an end, sooner or later. I think that the problem has been that I wasn’t working out for the right reasons. I did it because I felt I had to, or that I was supposed to. And that is where I failed.
Now, I exercise because I want to treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. I want my body to be the best it can be, inside and out. So now I focus on finding ways to work out that are fun! Exercise doesn’t have to be about forcing yourself to do something you really don’t want to, just because you think you should. It’s about exploring interests and exploring your body. It’s about getting to know yourself and push your limits, to be the best that you can be.
I also think a lot about what I eat. What you fuel your body with is essential to both how you will feel about yourself and how you will look. It’s simple, really; if you give it crap, it will fell like crap. So I try to feed my body good things, and as with the exercise, it’s about exploring new possibilities, new tastes and find new inspiration.
Most people in today’s society puts a lot of focus on appearance, both their own and others. Most often, people who doesn’t know you will judge you and base their first impression of you based on how you look. This seems really harsh and shallow, but it is a fact. And, most people do seem to care a lot about taking care of that outer appearance, to make sure that they do their very best to look their very best. My thought in all of this is, if you put such importance on how you look on the outside, why not do that same to your inside? Why not treat the insides of your body with the same respect, effort and appreciation as your appearance? For me, these two go hand in hand. If you feel great on the inside, it will show on your outside. And if you don’t treat your body right, that will show through, no matter how much makeup and expensive clothing you try to mask it with.
So that is why I exercise, why I try to eat health and why I try to use as many natural beauty products as I can – to treat my body with the respect that it deserves so that it can be the best that it can be, so that I can be the best I can be.
Treat your body right – it’s the greatest thing you got!
Now that I have shared my background with you guys you might have a better understanding to why I write this blog. I want to share the things and people that inspire me to live a better life, and my hopes are to spread some of that inspiration to all of you. I hope you have enjoyed this post and I’ll talk to you later!